Porphyrogene!

I am going to jump out of my skin if I don’t express this to SOMEONE. 

First let me qualify what I’m about to say by stating that I like and respect ALL people involved in this quandary, the following is just a matter of inherent differences and is being expressed at a moment of peak frustration.

I have been married for a year and… 4 months or so. Wow… actually, a year and four months today! Anyway - A lot of seasoned married folks note my marriage clocked in at 1 year and 4 months with scoffs of "You’re still Newlyweds!!".  Sure, fine - that bugged me at first, but I don’t so much mind it anymore.  However, I’m coming to realize something that’s actually very different about my relationship with my husband than alot of other marriages or long term relationships - including those of some friends.  Kyle and I are husband and wife AND we are best friends. 

I didn’t think this was extraordinarily significant because - of COURSE we’re best friends, shouldn’t your soulmate be your best friend? Of COURSE we like to hang out, I married him cause I wanted to spend my life with him for goodness sake - not hang out with other people as often as possible or do separate activities.  The best phrase to describe us is probably "attached at the hip".  And maybe it will wear off and maybe it won’t.  Maybe you’re jealous, maybe you’re gagging.  Maybe you think that kind of desire for constant companionship from ONE person may be unhealthy, maybe you’re pumping your fist in the air yelling "MORE POWER TO YOU!" at your computer monitor.  None of it will change the fact that if I could be anywhere in the world with anyone in the world - I would be with Kyle, chillin’.  I am covetous of his time, and he is covetous of mine.

This coming weekend (T-2 days) we’re headed to Kyle’s Family’s Cabin in the mountains.  We’ve invited along four of our friends Maria, Nolan, Maylee, and Taylor.  Maria and Nolan are engaged, Maylee and Taylor are Married and have been for upwards of 4 or 5 years now.  We’ve known both couples for about a year now but could probably be considered closer to Maria and Nolan.   These four people are our ONLY friends in Pittsburgh.  We have alot in common with them, though DEFINITELY not everything, and we typically have alot of fun when we get together with them.  We even went on Vacation to Disney World with Maria and Nolan this past spring - although tiring, it was certainly a blast. 

I think almost all problems begin with expecations.  My expectations for this coming weekend at my Husband’s Family’s cabin with our Pittsburgh Friends have been the following: Finally a chance to relax and chill out - play games, indulge in delicious food, talk, watch movies, laugh.  Kyle has been working 12 hour days five days a week and 5 hours on saturdays for the last month - I had a huge deadline recently and we’ve spent alot of time missing each other.  This will be the first weekend in a long time that I could potentially be with him from Friday at 5:30 pm till Sunday when we go to sleep - Exciting, no?

My problem is that this is fast becoming less of a 3 adult couples who are friends going to a cabin to have a good time and more of a boys club vs. girls club thing.  Maria and Maylee are best friends from Highschool - they grew up many states away from here and just so happened to both move to Pittsburgh with their significant others at about the same exact time in a similar situation to myself.  We, all three, became friends but they are significantly closer because of their hometown ties and the amount of time they’ve known each other.  They are the ones who suggested that instead of splitting the cars up by couples - 1 in 1 and 2 in the other, that we should split up by sex - girls in one car, boys in the other, "Because that way, Taylor won’t have to listen to Rent twice through".  Okay - I can see the logic in that.  And despite being denied four hours of uninterrupted conversation with MY best friend… I can see the merits of a girls car and boys car.

Then Nolan decided a couple weeks ago that going fishing with the guys on Saturday morning is a BRILLIANT idea.   In preparation he purchased 3 fly fishing poles and kits and got the guys together to do a test/teach run this past weekend on Sunday.  They left at 7:30 in the morning - I was told when they left that they would be back at Noon.  Kyle called at One o’clock and revealed that unfortunately they would not be back for another hour.  They returned at 2:40 p.m.   This caused tension between me and my spouse because, after promising to spend the whole afternoon and evening with me - it felt like he left me hanging and lonely.  We vehemently discussed the situation, came to terms with the failed expectations of the day and then tried to make the best of it.

Suffice to say I do not have warm fuzzy feelings about breaking up the group so the guys can disappear for "5" {read  8} hours on saturday morning to stand in a creek and throw hooks at trout that we aren’t going to cook up anyway.   All this aside from the fact that I’m Jealous. OF THE FISHING.  Why is it that only the men are allowed to go fishing?  I have extremely fond memories of going fishing with my grandfather as a kid - I also have extremely fond memories of fishing at camp and crabbing at the ocean.  Baiting the hook isn’t my favorite thing to do, but then again - is it anyone’s?  And besides! There’s no hook baiting in fly fishing! I’m interested - why can’t I go too?  Because I have a vajayjay that’s why. 

No no.  The womenfolk are to stay behind in the safety of the cabin to do our "crafts".  This I resent for all of the above reasons.  I am, for now, (probably irrationally) ignoring the fact that I love to do crafts from knitting and crocheting to quilting to creating discoballs, painting canvases, sculpting clay, and…. oh did I mention I was a studio art major?  So I’m crafty.  This has now turned out to be a characteristic that dooms me to cabin confinement while others get go go out and psycologically abuse wild fish.

Don’t even get me started on the whispered musings having to do with rooms to sleep in … (Single sex sleep over style? Any takers? Any one?)

I think the main points here are that A) This is not going the way I EXPECTED, B) we will probably have fun anyway, C) I’m missing my husband already and I feel very sad at the thought of being separated so much when we COULD be spending time together so easily, D) I’m just cranky.

My last point comes to you via epiphany.  SO although Maria and Nolan are engaged and obviously love each other and Maylee and Taylor are married and obviously love each other… their "significant other" is NOT their best friend.  Maria and Maylee are best friends.  So they probably spend the majority of their every day lives A) Working (or Student-ing) B) With their significant other C) with their best friend and for them, these are distinctly separate activities.  My significant other IS my best friend as we previously discussed… So I could EASILY enjoy twice as much time with him as I do doing anything else.  They enjoy the thought of driving to the cabin together because they’re best friends… but I am put in a place, once again, because I’m a woman when I would probably rather be with my best friend. They enjoy the thought of the guys leaving to do fishing, because they’re best friends and they get to spend the morning together,  I once again feel left behind and separated from MY best friend. My problem with this is that when I mention to either Maria or Maylee that Kyle is my best bud - they look at me as if I have two heads.  I could be imagining it - and I have a specTACular imagination - but I always feel like they view us as either circus freaks or a few cards short of a full deck as in ‘How can your HUSBAND/BOYFRIEND/FIANCE be your best friend?’ And then I vaguely feel like I have to justify my friendship with Kyle… that it is not co-dependant and is in fact a healthy best-friend-ship plus a few marriage vows.

Now we’re all adults here, and let’s face it - this trip will probably go exactly as they want it to go and not as my expectations expect and it’ll be fine - it’ll be fun, even. 

But boy can I work myself into a good imitation of an anxiety attack with a pinch of righteous indignation.